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Actually ,not everything is about you.

 Hey there ,I’m actually sitting in bed feeling so sick today yet this thought dropped in my spirit. I think this happens to the most of us in a nutshell. Whereby you start thinking throughly about your life when you sick and you just sit there and think ”I’m so sorry God for taking life for granted.” Well if that happens to you too . Then guess what ? Im feeling exactly like that today.

I’m actually not really evaluating the complicated side of life but my behaviour in general.I tend to always some how come up with solutions most of the time .Yet I abuse that power and in most cases I barely give others a chance to actually teach me or correct me.I actually had a call to change with my mom this one time . Were she told me how this attitude is gonna make me sink in all spaces I present myself too.Basically Mom was saying im self sabotaging myself.Like the girl who knows it all .I jumped and defended myself… ”There you go she said ,this is enough evidence girl.” I was so disappointed in myself because clearly the Holy Spirit was in the business of convicting me.I had no comebacks .  I didn’t say I see it mom and I’m gonna change like any child I kept quiet and actually today it dropped in me.I literally had flashbacks of the many times I always rushed to defend myself. Question is ,where does all this come from and what’s the trigger?

How often did I make someone feel the way I feel? Sometime I can’t control my own emotions and feelings. I can be sad and throw it off on everyone then some days I can mange it. It is totally unimpressive.Very cracking if I may put it that way.Yet , im grateful for this awareness .God is indeed at work.All these embarrassing behaviours aren’t a shock to him. I believe his bringing them up because he loves both you and me.He wants us to change and be better not perfect but better humans .

I’m very sensitive I realised this in most conversations.I will jump to make sure I don’t get hurt . Worse I will want to be right in that conversation.Thats only because I grew up quite. Now this little girl in me wants to prove that she can now actually address it. She can actually shut it down. Unfortunately the revelation I got from all this was humbling.I can’t always be right. I can’t always want to be the one who ends.Its actually okay and safe to listen and allow yourself to be corrected. Tough! very ,very tough.Im so grateful for this convection and yes I’m ill but that’s not the point.The point is that I’m grateful for the not so great days because look now I learnt a lesson .

Don’t overlook sickness and think you not favoured take that time to recover and do some self introspection.This unfortunately has been the toughest pill to swallow.Bigger than the ones I have to drink to be better.How surprising? Im intentionally choosing to be accountable when ever I hold conversations.More like think , then respond .It’s gonna be a rollarcoster ride and I’m here for all of  it.I often hear that the first step to change is acceptance.I believe since I have identified the problem and accepted it.Im so close to change.So my dear reader if you facing the same challenge. I pray this actually becomes your call to change.Yeah, im actually done. That’s round about it .See you on the next blog like wise.



With love

Miss ValeriaM

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